


The one where Dave is clueless until he isn't

by Lacertae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Crush, Guilt, M/M, Masturbation, One-Sided Attraction, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2014-11-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 21:37:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2597273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacertae/pseuds/Lacertae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It took Dave a while to realise he was crushing on Karkat, and then there was no way out anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The one where Dave is clueless until he isn't

**Author's Note:**

> I happened upon a post on tumblr asking why there were no fics of Dave jerking off thinking about Karkat while there were so many of the opposite happening… and ok well, here’s a pwp with some feels.
> 
> The title is complementary.

At first, Dave had brushed off his weird thoughts without as much as a shrug.

After all, growing closer to Karkat didn’t mean much other than the fact that they were friends now; Dave had no problem putting on the side all the things he’d said and done in the past in order to change their one-sided rivalry into something a little more positive.

They had started exchanging more than a couple words every now and then, seeking each other out and talking about silly, mundane things, and it reminded Dave a bit of his tentative, awkward friendship with John, Jade and Rose.

While time passed and he felt like he was changing a bit, certain things didn’t seem like they wanted to change, and Dave’s inability to be actually cool (no matter how much he tried to be so, no matter how many lies he told himself about it), including his clumsy attempts at making friends, belonged to this category.

There were times Dave had to be honest with himself, and despite all his long, articulate raps and his equally long, articulate attempts to justify to himself why he was so cool and why his friends were so lucky to have him, the truth was simple –Jade, John and Rose had seen something worthwhile in him and had been the ones to reach out the most, pushing through all the bullshit Dave spouted on a daily basis and accepting him for the dork he was.

Karkat, in a way, had done the same. Dave had no idea if that was because Karkat was desperate for some interaction on the meteor, or if he had changed idea on Dave and decided he was actually worth befriending. He really had no idea.

What he was sure of was that he was grateful, once again, that someone had ignored all the shit he managed to create and accepted him anyway.

With Rose spending time with Kanaya, with Gamzee-the-creepy-clown lost somewhere on the meteor, probably making out with Terezi, and Karkat as the only other creature Dave could talk to (aside for the Mayor. Dave loved the Mayor), it was probably a given they had gravitated towards each other, forming a tentative friendship.

Maybe if Terezi hadn’t picked a clown and Dave hadn’t decided that quadrants really weren’t for him, maybe if Gamzee hadn’t disappeared, then his friendship with Karkat wouldn’t have existed.

He didn’t know.

He was glad things had gone like that, though. Karkat was… great. It was really a shame Dave had discovered this only because there hadn’t been anyone else to talk, because if he’d known before, he would have had cultivated this friendship first thing, instead of teasing Karkat and acting like a douchebag. (Dave was good at being a douchebag, really. He’d learned from the best.)

Karkat was a good troll, and a good person, and given the circumstances, Dave didn’t think much of it when he started thinking more about spending time with Karkat and less about other things.

What ended up being the first alarm was the fact that he had started to think about Karkat a little bit _too much_.

He spent time with Karkat, he composed raps and mixed music so that he could have Karkat listen to it, and had even started watching movies that Karkat mentioned, only to understand the references Karkat seemed to know all about.

It was just a silly thing, really.

So what if thinking about giving a mix to Karkat made him smile? So what if he found himself looking forwards to their weekly spars on top of the meteor? So what if he happened to talk to Karkat so much about Bro, when he had been unable to talk this openly about him even with Rose?

It didn’t mean much. They were just good friends. Awesome.

Dave hadn’t given it much of a thought, because who wouldn’t? He hadn’t had much experience with crushes before. With Terezi things had been different.

She had been the one to casually mention they should maybe try this sloppy makeouts thing, she had been the one to imply she wanted to hold hands with him.

Dave had been entirely too happy to oblige, but it had taken Terezi’s not-so-gentle nudging for him to understand she liked him and that he liked her back.

Unfortunately for Dave, he was also the kind of person who seemed to like people easily. He’d liked Rose a lot, once upon a time (before realising she was his sister, they had even flirted with each other, something that no amount of passive-aggressive and irony cover up could manage to hide) and then his joking around with John might have been perhaps a little bit too obvious if one were to look at it too close (and again, the only one who had dared to look was Rose), and his casual chats with Jade had maybe been something more than just friendly banter (he wondered for a moment if his alternate self and Jade had tentatively reached out to each other, in the way he and Terezi had, and then tried to forget the idea, because it made him incredibly uncomfortable).

Dave might have used irony to work through life the way he thought he should have, but his feelings had always been honest and rather open.

So, with the same sort of blissful ignorance that he’d had with all his other friends, he continued to be friends with Karkat, not seeing anything wrong with how happy it made him to see Karkat tap away to his raps, or to see him chuckle during a movie.

It was all a blur by the end of the day, a day he spent talking and being around Karkat.

It wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t _weird_.

Until it _was_.

Until he found himself idly wondering if Karkat’s lips were rough and thin like Terezi’s, or if they would be softer, since he didn’t use them to taste everything.

He had been in the middle of writing a rap, and when he looked down at his paper, he found it covered with doodles of Karkat. with a startled gasp, he realised what he had been thinking about, and he physically pushed the papers away from him, scattering them all around the room.

It took him five seconds to rush out of the chair to grab them all, viciously ripping the one had had been writing until nothing was left of it, and then he remained standing in the middle of the room, heart racing in his chest and disbelief written on his face.

Dave suddenly piled up together all the hints, all the subtle things he had thought about in the past few weeks, cheeks burning red and feeling his head ready to burst into flames, and then pushed the collar of his god tier shirt up to hide his face, breathing deeply and trying to forget.

He found out that was hard to do when the person you liked was actually there, and not on the other end of a computer.

Instead of continuing like the usual, he found himself living through teenager hell, suddenly going through puberty all over again, like a door had been kept shut by his breaking up with Terezi and now it was open again, letting in a river of things he definitely did not want to think about.

At the end of the day, he still wanted to be by Karkat’s side, which was the only thing that mattered and the fact that Karkat liked his company back.

Only that now Dave was aware of his crush, and every gesture, every motion, every look from Karkat made Dave’s head spin wildly.

Having a crush sucked, especially when he did not want to ruin this great friendship he had going with Karkat to stumble through another awkward, clumsy relationship. Not to say that Karkat liked him back –he couldn’t know, not when they had been both into Terezi until a little while before.

And now he was thinking about Karkat the way he thought about Terezi, and that was messed up, really.

He thought a lot about kissing him –about tugging Karkat’s arms around his neck, or his sides, and press himself forwards until there was no space dividing them.

He thought about kissing Karkat until his thoughts were all jumbled together and his pants were a little bit too tight for it to be comfortable, and then he refused to think anymore, embarrassed and ashamed of even wanting to go on with these thoughts.

He thought about curling up inside a pile with Karkat in his arms, and he thought about touching his little nubby horns, and his cheeks, and he thought about intertwining his fingers with Karkat’s while they watched a movie.

Dave thought about so much mushy, romantic stuff that Bro would have rolled around in his grave if he even had one.

It was all just too much, and yet he couldn’t make himself stop, nor could he make himself stop seeing Karkat.

It was just something he didn’t want to do.

And then Karkat would nudge him gently, or punch him on the shoulder, or tentatively laugh, and Dave was gone again, so deep in this crush that he could not see a way out.

He thought about how it would feel to hug Karkat like he’d hugged Terezi; Karkat and Terezi were as different as night and day, and there wasn’t really any term of comparison that could work for them, but Terezi was the only person Dave had dated, and kissed, and even though they hadn’t gone any further than that, that was as much experience as he could work with.

Karkat was shorter than Terezi, and shorter than Dave, but he was sturdier, and heavier on his feet than either of them were. Dave was taller, and thin, and he was fast, but Karkat was strong, and he had more stamina during their sparring, and Dave couldn’t help but think if that translated elsewhere too.

He was good at sparring too, and always made Dave feel on edge. He won once every two spars, so they were evenly matched all the time, and seeing him panting and clutching at his scythe at the end of a spar made Dave feel hot and bothered more than he should be.

Dave did not want to think about Karkat in other situations, but it had reached the point where ignoring it only made him think about it more, and it was starting to slip in his attitude, so much that even Karkat had started to notice, and gently inquire about it, feeling worried for Dave.

What could he say then? That he wasted so much of his time trying not to think about Karkat naked and squirming against him?

That he wondered what was it that trolls packed under their belt?

Dave was no saint, but he did not want to think about Karkat like that, not if it meant making things even more awkward afterwards.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t a matter of what he wanted, and more about how he couldn’t even attempt to touch himself to relieve some of the tension without Karkat coming to his mind like a vivid vision, so he had to stop abruptly and curl on the side, trying to force his erection away.

It was during one of those situations, shuffling in his bed with his clothes sticking to his skin, too hot and too tired to even sleep, the thought of Karkat’s face during their latest spar carved in his mind, that Dave felt himself crack.

It wasn’t possible to go on like this, not if it meant that he was about to pop a hard on while he was sparring with Karkat, or while they were sitting together, watching movies or playing with Can Town.

The thought was revolting, and picturing Karkat’s disgusted face was enough to make Dave feel sick inside.

This… this could be done in the privacy of his room, where Karkat wasn’t there to look at him, where he could just… indulge this once, and maybe it would be ok afterwards.

If he continued denying himself, it would only get worse, and Dave knew he was just trying to make excuses for himself, but… was it really so bad to give in, just this once?

It was just his imagination, and… and…

He knew he had given up the moment his hand slid down his stomach, because he felt himself shiver with anticipation, slumping down against the mattress and picturing Karkat behind his closed eyelids.

Tentatively, he slipped his hand inside his boxers, palming his already hard cock with a clammy hand.

He hissed at the sensation, already sensitive and he had barely started, and whined deep in his throat.

Inside his mind, Karkat reached out with one hand to touch his cheek, and tug him closer, and Dave parted his lips unconsciously, letting his fingers wrap around his length slowly, trying to slow himself down and enjoy it.

He pictured Karkat kissing him, slowly, clumsily but with a bit of force, because the Karkat in his mind knew that he wanted Dave, and Karkat was someone who wouldn’t shy around things he wanted to have.

His hands slid to the tip of his erection, rubbing the slit and then moving back to the base, caressing the underside, and he moaned softly into the air, instantly covering his mouth with his other hand, lost within his imagination.

Karkat was kissing him, his weight comforting and holding him down against the bed, and his hands were caressing down his sides. He moaned again, his fingers twitching around himself, and he parted his legs a bit, seeking more friction.

The Karkat of his imagination slipped one hand inside his pants, warm and steady, and it wrapped around his own hand guiding it as he pumped himself, his thumb rubbing the slit of his cock, smearing some precum and making him arch his back into the air.

“K… Kar…” he swallowed down his soft cry, too embarrassed to be vocal about it, his heart thumping in his ears and blood rushing down.

He wasn’t in control of his movements, that was Karkat, Karkat who wanted him to feel good, who wanted to see him and guide him, and he could almost feel Karkat’s lips on his own as he shuffled on the bed, kicking the blanket away.

It felt good –it had been too long since he’d touched himself, since he’d indulged in doing something like this, and the fact that he was thinking about Karkat while doing it… it was making him feel everything more sharply.

“Hnnn–”

He bucked up into his hand, seeking contact that wasn’t there, and his grip around his cock tightened a bit, offering more friction as he pumped himself faster, unable to keep up with his dream Karkat.

He imagined what Karkat could say in such a situation, if he would coax Dave along, if he would touch himself as well, curling on top of him and moaning and calling out his name, breathless–

Dave gasped and his hand twitched as he continued touching himself, sliding his hand down and up again, caressing every spot he knew would feel good, picturing Karkat doing it to him.

Everything was burning, and he couldn’t stop, because it felt so good, and he was already so close despite having barely started, because he had been abstaining for a long time and Karkat was too hot to resist, and Dave knew it was bad, and he had it bad, but in the middle of all the pleasure, he had stopped caring about it.

He moaned again, a bit louder but not too much, biting down on his knuckles and panting around them.

It felt so good, and he wanted… he needed more.

He rolled over, forehead pressed against a pillow and bucking down into his hand, rubbing the underside of his cock against the mattress and into his hand, knees bent and feet grasping for purchase into the blankets pooling at the edge of the bed.

Dave panted and moaned into the pillow, he pictured Karkat guiding his hand, kissing his neck, touching him, one hand steady on his lower back, the other around his cock. He pictured Karkat smiling and murmuring his name, and he pictured Karkat asking him if he wanted more.

Everything was a blur, his body hot and needy, and Dave choked on his breath as he pushed down into the mattress harder, humping down into his hand as his thoughts stopped being coherent.

It was just Karkat’s hand around his own, his voice calling for him, coaxing him, his lips on his neck, sucking and biting, and Dave let out a choked, strangled gasp, the burning inside him growing stronger–

He wanted Karkat to be there, to bite him, curl all around him and touch him, he wanted to kiss Karkat and touch him too, and he wanted–

With a low, breathless moan, Dave shuddered and came, slumping down onto he bed as he continued to pump himself, his feet curling as he felt the aftershock of pleasure make his skin tingle.

He pictured Karkat one last time, satisfied and under him, kissing him, and then he slumped on his side and shivered, panting and waiting for the afterglow to recede.

Dave felt tired and spent, still shivering as he curled up in a ball, already feeling bad for what he’d done.

He’d said he would not do it, but he had been weak, and it had felt too good. His images of Karkat had been vivid, and he still shivered thinking about it, the hope in his chest that maybe…

Trying not to think about it, he shuffled out of his bed and pushed his pants down, cringing at the mess, then tried to clean up as much as he could, changing his underwear and grabbing a pair of clean clothes from his sylladex.

He curled back up into his bad, the sheets cool against his heated skin, and reassured himself that this would be the first and last time.

It wasn’t.


End file.
